Number one: I just read an agent's blog (which I've been doing a lot of lately) and I found a list of things that most agents will not tollerate. Here it is:

1. coming of age
2. set in the 70's
3. long suffering VietNam vet
4. billionaire
5. shadowy conspiracy
6. must run for her life
7. horrific abuse
8. evil

Why is it that I can't link my current novel to any of these? Is it that I am too good of a writer for my own good, so therefor I will not have to put up with angry agents? Yeah, I guess so. Though my writing still resembles the TV show Lost at the moment. No joke! It's set on a desolate island where they find a gun randomly in the jungle and Purle People Eaters attack them. Not even kidding. Moving on.

Number 2: www.scalzi.com/whatever/004175.html

I couldn't agree with it more. I use fictionpress way too much for my own good, and I've read sooooo much crappy teen writing that it's not even funny. Topping the list of crappy stories was some cliche character who was 16, one of her parents was a druggie, the other hadn't talked to her in a few months, and she was going to the hospital without either of them to get tested for brain cancer, even though she was under the age of 18. That's factually incorrect, am I right or am I incredibly right? Legally, children under the age of 18 cannot recieve most medical treatment without parental consent. Then, when the doctor was giving her the diagnosis, he said "I don't know how to tell you this."  O.o The minute a doctor starts a diagnosis with THAT, you know that you NEED a new doctor. If you're a cancer doctor, you're probably making that kind of diagnosis every day, so you would think that the doctor would know how to tell you. Yeah, I've read a lot of bad teen writing.

Number 3: Don't start query letters with rhetorical questions.

Well, THAT should be a no brainer. What do you do if you open a letter that starts with some dumb answerless question? You throw it away! There are way more creative ways to start query letters. Even I could have told you that.

mood: chipper

So yesterday, while I was bored, I looked up 'Miley Cyrus slut' on youtube because Jonas said they were funny. Well, his sense of humor is very stupid. There were all of these videos trying to prove that she's a slut, and they were VERY uneducated. 'Miley Cyrus is a slut because her teeth aren't straight.' Come on! I like my partially not straight bottom teeth!  'Miley Cyrus is a slut because she took a picture of herself dancing next to her bed, and her bed is a four-poster, and because of that, it looked like she was dancing next to a strippers pole.' So? It was her bed, not a stripper pole. 'Miley Cyrus is a slut because she took a picture of her butt.' My god! I'm sure that almost everyone has done that when they were bored at sleepovers!  'Miley Cyrus is a slut because she pretends to kiss her friends on the cheek for picture poses.'  Oh no! Miley Cyrus pretended to kiss a girl on the cheek for a picture! She has chosen the wrong path and is gay! She is a horrible example for our young Christian children! What in the world? There's a picture in last years year book of Lily MC kissing Zoe L on the cheek. Big deal!

Then, the arguments for Miley NOT being a slut were even MORE uneducated. 'Miley isn't a slut because she has a loving family.' Yeah, I'm sure she does, but a lot of sluts have children and men who are madly in love -cough- infatuated -cough- with them. 'Miley Cyrus isn't a slut because she's friends with Vanessa Hudgens.' I literally laughed out loud when I saw THIS argument. Wtf? Being friends with Vanessa is more proof that she IS a slut than that she isn't. 'Miley Cyrus isn't a slut because she can sing and dance.' Yeah, and so can most pole dancers and strippers. 'Miley Cyrus isn't a slut because she loves animals.' Yeah, and I'm sure that a lot of sluts do, too. 'Miley Cyrus isn't a slut because she likes to explore new places.' That sounds really sick and wrong.

Then all of the videos were made by the program: One True Media. Haven't you dummies figured out that your computer comes with free windows movie maker if you have a PC and free iMovies if you have an iMac? Wow. That movie making program is just taking advantage of your stupidity if you use it.

And, they're all written in chat speak. 'miley cyrus not a slt coz she likes animls & dis statmnt rlly proovs alot coz idk how 2 spel.' The coments are really stupid, too. 'OMG ur so stooped dat u thnk miley isnt a slt she makn bad exmpl 2 mah sistrz.' You probably get the point. 

IF YOU ARE TRYING TO PROVE OR DISPROVE THAT MILEY CYRUS IS A SLUT, GET A LIFE!  IF YOU DO NOT LIKE HER, THEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO HER MUSIC OR WATCH HER SHOW. NO ONE IS MAKING YOU.

mood: okay music: Still have Lack of Color stuck in my head.

So... You've just written an original fanfic character who you think is ingenius. But your reviewers call her a Mary Sue. What is a Mary Sue? You ask. If this sounds like you, then this is the perfect desuifying guide for you!

What is a Mary Sue? A Mary Sue is an overexageratedly perfect character, mostly in fanfic. They might be that annoying OC who'd Dumbledore's daughter and has a singing voice that "tickles the ears" or she might be Harry's long lost twin sister named Harriet, and she's an animagus for about a million different animals. Or maybe she was the marauder that no one ever heard about. It doesn't matter, but she'sthe kind of character who makes you cringe and never want to use fanfiction.net again becase she's so unrealistic.

1. Identifying that your chacter is a Mary Sue.

How do you know if your character is a Mary Sue? Here are a few questions to ask yourself. If you answer yes to any of them, take the Mary Sue Litmus Test . Just google Mary Sue and you should find what you need.

DId you name your character after yourself?

Does your character have a tragic and/or angsty past?

Is your character excedingly gorgeous?

Does your character date a major canon character, such as Harry, Malfoy, James or any of the other Marauders... Snape? (Yes, there are more characters, but these are the one's who Mary Sue's seemk to attract.)

And I'll post more once I get the time to.

I went to a teh kewl writing festival, and according to MH, I had a good sharing group. MH had 2 Mormons and some sucker obsessed w/ a nonexistent love life in her group. 

I got SL to totally hate People for Ethical Treatment of Animals. (If you don't know her, everything in her room is at least related to animals and she used to pretend she was a dog.)

Random parody to girl scout friend ship song that friend made up:

A circle is square,
it has lots of ends,
That's how long I want to be leafs friend.

Find new leafs,
Throw away the old,
One is silver and the other's gold.

Wait... If they're silver and gold, why'd we just throw them away? RAID THE DUMPSTERS BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

M: Correct that if it's wrong. I might have... misplaced the folder with all the writing in it and your poetry is incredibly emo and if certain someone found it then certain someone would be like "OMG!!! Your friend needs to go to a shrink!!!"

Bananas are good.

mood: rejuvenated